Hi, Person I See Regularly, But Do Not Know Very Well:

Thanks for Googling me, because there's something I need to tell you.

I know you've noticed that my hair is really thin. And that you've noticed my scalp is quite visible from certain angles, particularly if I'm standing in front of you, looking down. 

I get that it's weird, especially because I'm female and still of childbearing age. I also get that it's distracting, particularly if I'm nattering on about something and haven't figured out that it's time for me to shut up, and especially if I'm under fluorescent lighting. I've seen you look at my hairline quickly, and try not to look at my hairline, and I have a fairly good idea of what you are thinking. Holy shit, does she know how thin her hair really is? That anyone could imagine her bald? What the hell is up with that, anyway?

I do know how thin it really is. I imagine myself bald all the time. And yes, I know exactly what the hell is up with that. I'm going to explain here, because obviously it's really awkward for you to ask, and even more awkward for me to offer the information seemingly out of nowhere. 

First: My hair has never been particularly lush to begin with. My sister got whatever Lush Hair Genes there are in our family. I did do a fair amount of dyeing and processing when I was your age, but so did she. I've concluded that the genetic lottery rules that roost, not a history of abuse.

So, I started off with not a lot of hair to begin with, and then two largely unrelated things happened earlier this year: 

1. My appendix ruptured, and I spent eight days in the hospital after emergency surgery.

2. I changed my diet very dramatically, and have lost a lot of weight.

These things can both result in what's called telogen effluvium, which in this case I'll allow you to read about on Wikipedia. If you look through the causes of telogen effluvium, you'll see that "major surgery" and "crash diets" are both there. I didn't adopt what I would call a crash diet, but it was a dramatic enough change from my previous way of eating that I'm certain it contributed to the telogen effluvium. I had the surgery at the very end of April, and my hair started falling out at the end of June…right on schedule.

By the time you met me, I was past the shedding phase. (And be glad, because that really sucked. I had hair all over my clothes all the time, which is even creepier than the current situation.) If you look very closely the next time we talk, you'll see that I have a very subtle layer of fine hair that is crewcut length. It's particularly noticeable where my part and my hairline meet.

It's probably going to take at least six months to a year for regrowth (also known as the anagen phase) to make any sort of difference in the overall volume of my hair. But in the meantime, I'm less fat and most important, I'm not dead. Those were the alternatives, and I am absolutely not using hyperbole. 

I don't tell you any of this to shame you, or make you feel bad about your surreptitious glances. I'm explaining because I'm not really embarrassed by what happened, but we're never in a position where it's right for me to say something. But thanks to the Internet, you've now read this and now know what the deal is. You can even say to me "Hey, I was looking up the World Cup on Google and happened across your blog, and saw the thing about your hair." and I'll go along with that, no problem. Maybe it'll be a little less distracting. And maybe other people's weird things will be a little less distracting, too.

Now, get back to work!

EF

"However, there was also something very passive aggressive about this “meekness.” I had used it as a way to hold back from others."

I have tried to get up at dawn and write, as many writing guides advise you to do. It doesn't work for me. Never has. Lately the first thing I need to do when I get up is have a cup of coffee. My peak writing hours tend to be in the evening, probably because I have scaled back my expectations at that point. 

An apology I hope to be able to use someday myself.

I used to write what I know. Now I write to make sense of things. It never helps me make sense of things, but I do think the writing is better than it used to be. I quit writing for a few years. Part of what brought me back was video games. Part of what brought me back was reading George Saunders' story "Sea Oak," and realizing it was possible to write a story and have a good time. These are all things I have talked about before. I am a long-standing abuser of the word "things."

Andrea Kneeland's excellent contest.

I like prompts, sometimes. I don't like journal prompts. ("Talk about a time you made the wrong decision.") I do like form prompts. ("Write about microwave popcorn sixteen different ways, without ever using the word 'popcorn.'")

Jen Michalski, "The Lady in the Coat Pile."

I've been writing a lot about health in the last few months. I wrote a piece last week that is pure memoir. I spent time on it that I really do not have, and now I don't know what to do with it.

AD Jameson covers the recent pro Magic: the Gathering tournament.

I like reading other writers' work and giving feedback. I wish I was a faster reader. I worry sometimes that my comments aren't useful. I want to be of use, very much.

I do not have time to write a 50,000 word manifesto on this subject, so I will direct you to this instead.

Even though I'm top-level cool with the fact that language is in a constant state of evolution, I'm a snobby jerkface about grammar, punctuation and especially spelling. Blatant, awkward errors make me stabby…especially if the errors are made on behalf of a litmag.

"The shooting stuff is where the challenge lies but it also doesn't actually matter."

Thing (there's that "thing" abuse) I've been saying far too often lately: Writing is nothing more than a series of choices, and that's what makes it so scary and so wonderful.

Emily is definitely on to something.

Ever since I can remember, I've thought of my writer-brain as a spaceship that requires a full crew to operate properly. There are plenty of details about my writing that I'm happy to share. But I will never say who has a job on my spaceship, or what those jobs are. I am fiercely protective of my crew, even when they don't know it. 

And finally: Unless you wish others to be fat and unhealthy, please bring only healthy food. 

People of Boston and environs: I'm reading tomorrow night at the Dire Literary Series in Cambridge, MA with Steve Himmer, Darcie Dennigan, Collier Nogues, and others.

I will likely read my story about ABBA in RE: Telling, which will still never have been read in a bar. Or maybe some Wilford Brimley fanfic. I'm not kidding.

Guns n'Roses:

Sheryl Crow:

Moby:

Kelly Clarkson:

Carrie Underwood:

Trace Bundy:

Igor Presnyakov:

Bonnie Tyler:

The Black Eyed Peas and Slash:

Guitar Hero 2, expert:

Linkin Park:

from Step Brothers:

One of the projections shows Irene's eye going directly over my house. If that happens, I am SO going outside. I remember a grade school science teacher telling us about what happens in a hurricane's eye.

The Rumpus interviews Caitlin Horrocks.

Other things that were amazing to me in grade school: The Narnia books, the woods outside the classroom windows, my bedroom closet, Canada.

Why writers are parasites.

We bought plywood for two big windows on the front of the house, but based on the latest forecasts, I don't think we're going to put it up. The house is cut into the top of a hill, which is a pain in the butt in the winter but great at times like this. The only time we've had water in the basement was when the water heater barfed.

Tips on teaching for MFAs.

The power will go out. It does. This makes me cranky. I took Harper Perennial up on their offer a couple of weeks ago. This will make me less cranky.

This is easily one of my favorite litblog essay series. 

Yes, I looked up "series" to make sure that was the plural.

Eileen on a common writing debate/discussion/source of high blood pressure.

My new coffee machine will be nonfunctional, too. I got a Keurig. I used to work someplace with one and I know a lot of people who have them and love them and really, it was just time. Mine is dinky because I'm the only coffee drinker. It's red because that just seemed right somehow.

If you haven't read Steve Himmer's essay on accessible reading, you really should.

I'm trying to decide what writing project I want to focus on in the next few months. One has a slightly autobiographical wiseass bent. The other is more fictitious and mournful and traditionally structured. The jerkface in me says COMBINE THEM HAHAHA. The jerkface in me is quite talkative sometimes.

Nicole rolls like I do.

There will probably be board games this weekend. Board games for which I have patience: Monopoly, Apples to Apples. Board games for which I don't have patience: Life. Have you played that recently? If you enjoy being the banker, you would probably also enjoy being a paralegal. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I wonder what career paths are recommended for people who like Apples to Apples.

Less than three weeks away.

(There will be a Tyra tribute offsite event at AWP, I hope?)

So many congratulations to Myfanwy! 

It's very late at night and usually when it's late at night and I'm at a computer screen, it's because I am steering an avatar of some kind around an imaginary world. I haven't done that in a while. I miss it very much. 

Tim Gunn memoirs again.

Today I was in a very minor car accident. I keep forgetting about that. I keep forgetting I need to send email, book hotel rooms, make copies. When I was a kid August was a slow, boring, school vacation month. It blows by so fast now. It's a cheat. 

"We talk a lot about the work being the reward in itself and that’s true because I think having the time to write can feel sometimes really exciting, but it’s also really grim and lonely and makes me angry, morose, anxious, etc"

These non-link parts are not very interesting because I am the sort of tired where functionality feels like an accomplishment on its own. I think I'll sleep and when I wake up, the rain will have started and the tired will have changed.

Some thoughts on 100 rejections.

And finally: Ten year old food critic disses Bobby Flay.

Stay safe, my friends.

I'm in Rochester. The day before yesterday I went to Niagara Falls with my dad, my husband, my sister, my daughter and my nephew. We went on Maid of the Mist, which just about everyone had never done before. It was absolutely worth it. When the boat goes near the Horseshoe Falls, the light changes and the closest thing I can compare it to is flying through clouds, but that's not quite it. It made me remember being on the Dingle peninsula in Ireland twenty (yikes) years ago or in the Phoenix airport twelve (yikes) years ago and both were other planets entirely. The falls were also another planet. I bought a couple of Maid of the Mist floaty pens because really, other than naked lady pens is there a better use of floaty pen technology? After that we met my dad's girlfriend's family, who live in the area, and they were pretty awesome. Then yesterday I went to Seabreeze with the first five people above, and my inlaws. My sister won 1,000 tickets on a midway game and got fistfuls of stuffed animals. After some rides we went to the water park, and I managed to get a sunburn even though it was overcast and 3pm by the time we got to the water park part, AND I had sunscreen on, AND I've already burned this summer, which usually means the worst is over. A kid stopped my sister at the water park and said "Didn't you win 1,000 tickets before?" I spent a ton of time in the wave pool. Today I worked. My sister brought me iced coffee at the end of my day, and we watched Dance Moms. My teeth hurt right now because I chewed the ice in my iced coffee. In a little while, I'm taking my daughter and my nephew and my dad to McDonald's. McDonald's is like Las Vegas for the cousins because they both have dads who are hypervigilant about junk food. They also both have dads with long German last names that no one spells correctly and who are excellent cooks, but that's not really germane to the McDonald's fetish I'm about to indulge. 

It's been a lot of fun, this week, but I also know it's the last hurrah before things really start to get busy. Just before I came here, I agreed to take on some extra work. The time for that work is going to come from other things. It already is. There really is no free time where I'm not thinking about something I should be doing. I'm trying not to stress out but I've been chewing ice and I've eaten some things I profess not to eat anymore, making the excuse that I am a good little foodie and locavore. That's the other reason we're going to McDonald's. There's nothing there that I can't get somewhere else.  

Mike Meginnis on House of Leaves.

The authors of the forthcoming Stripped: A Collection of Anonymous Flash Fiction. (SPOILER: I'm one of them.)

Jason Jordan's key analysis of pawn shop shows.

Amber Sparks on unusual writing rituals.

Laura Ellen Scott's recap of the inaugural Indie Lit Summit.

TFT's review of Simon Reynolds' Retromania.

Someone linked this list of useful Spotify sites in Google Reader, and I am thankful.

Alan Stewart Carl's incomplete collection of bookstores.

Jessie Carty on identity.

I hope Jen's story finds a great home.

John Minichillo's LHB Book Notes for The Snow Whale.

Deborah Rose Reeves on Dune.

Tod Goldberg on five songs that don't mean what he thought they meant. 

And finally: Damn, it feels good to be a Lannister.

I've got a story in the new (and excellent) issue of Emprise Review. Go read it all yourself! 

I've been asked a few times about the backstory for this one, wink! I'm an ISFP, I would make a crappy dominatrix! Maybe people want work from home tips? Here are my work from home tips. Never stay in your pajamas. Never turn on the TV. Keep water bottles in the refrigerator. Work from someplace else every once in a while because seriously, you'll get low otherwise. 

I'm working on some things. I like being able to say that very, very much. 

If you're visiting through an RSS reader, you may not be aware that I keep a sidebar miniblog of links to online writing that I enjoy. The direct link is http://www.delicious.com/rarelylikable and RSS readers should be able to pick up the feed from that. I've made a pact with myself to update more often, link to paper writing from time to time, and provide more comments. I also REALLY welcome suggestions.

I'm also at Goodreads. I use Goodreads to keep track of what I've read, and again, suggestions.

"Perhaps this is why writers of all sorts and everyone else imagines so frequently throughout the day, because the task before us is so immense, of pushing and pulling our desires and fears in different directions and shapes, of taking on the unpredictable morphing world before us and holding it fast, or letting it loose even further."

Full-blown book reviews are very tough for me to write, and I blame my eighth grade Language Arts teacher. Every Friday was Book Report Day. Once you've heard about a book six times from thirteen year olds, even if that book is Slaughterhouse-Five, it gets old. She was bored, too. She'd sit in the back of the room during book reports and since the only person who could look at her was the presenter, she'd spend forty minutes playing with her face — pushing her cheeks around with her fingers, mostly. It wasn't the easiest thing to watch while I was telling twenty kids who hated me why I liked A Swiftly Tilting Planet.

"Writing, if you’re serious, is not a special hobby you get to when you’ve cleared your to-do list of everything else."

I've been writing stories, both real and imaginary. Sometimes I lose track of what's real and what isn't, and this pleases me immensely.

"You've never been shy about letting people into your genital area before, so why start now?"

I went to a carnival last weekend that had one of these rides. As I was watching it unload passengers, a kid on the higher side of the ride threw up all over the motor, about 20" below him. The girl sitting next to him did not even bat an eye. Totally bored. Ten minutes later I saw them on a ride sort of like this.

"What an author is, does, what an author authors is certainly in flux, is more fluid now than anytime since Johnson, literacy, and the invention of cheap mass printing."

I guess this is a link to my Google+ profile. There are things I don't like about Google+, but one of the things I do like…you can hang out in a chatroom and watch YouTube videos. Had some fun with that last week. And the other day I found the Leif Garrett Behind the Music on YouTube. God help you all.

"Rip these rules up! Even if you’ve laminated them!"

Would it be better to share links of interest in Google Reader? Google+? Twitter? Facebook? This blog turned six not long ago. Is it CivilWarLand?

"For poets, poems are never enough."

There's a pack of coyotes in my neighborhood. We saw one in a front yard over the weekend, and Friday night they got to howling until someone shined a flashlight out back. There are also a lot of dumb wild turkeys and slow moving groundhogs in the neighborhood. It's a buffet, basically.

"It comes out next week in paperback from Faber & Faber."

Thanks to surgery and lifestyle changes, I'm 99% sure that I'm currently going through telogen effluvium. I don't have a lot of hair to begin with, so this is a problem. A ponytail looks scary now, which is not convenient in the summer. Sometimes I pull a lot of hair out in the shower (or brushing my hair, or just sitting around) and think oh man, this sucks so much. But (maybe) it's a better result than no surgery or lifestyle changes would have been? I guess it's time for a short haircut.  I welcome suggestions in this category, especially if you have seen my potato head in person. If a haircut doesn't help, perhaps I'll shave it all off, be relieved, and everyone can play velcro darts with my head in Chicago next year.

"Each of us finds our own balance, but when I write, the scenes that truly transport me and send me soaring are the furthest things from real life, but not furthest from my imagination."

Incision Update: I'm down to a 2×3 bandaid. The surgeon broke up with me, and sent the bill this week — adding to an already spectacular pre-insurance total. Last week I drove past his office and in its driveway, there was a guy in a helmet and spandex on his ten speed. I had time to look, and it was definitely him. I'd estimate he is about sixty years old. It's no estimate that he is badass times at least two.

"That's all. Goodbye. Father Christmas"

The Indie Lit City Summit looks very, very promising.

Matt Bell's Excellent Short Story Month Adventure: The Wrapup.

Kevin Fanning on being a Writer in Residence at Necessary Fiction.

Some thoughts on small press readings.

"Can we get back to the social in social networking?"

10 most misunderstood words.

Daniel Orozco's Book Notes. Also from LHB: 2011 Summer Reading Megalist!

Plotting out plot.

"We're a sort of glorified cat lady club that has, unlike the cat ladies, managed to convince the world that our particular obsession is at least a little important."

Steve Himmer reviews Ethel Rohan's new collection, HARD TO SAY.

This is not just a west side of LA thing.

"Just begin. And be kind to yourself."

Upcoming hardcore distraction, Guild Wars 2. Seriously.

Two factions of Game of Thrones fans are at war, and it's more interesting than you might think.

The five best literary magazine websites, according to Jason Jordan.

When an asterisk is more (and less) than an asterisk.

What books are must-reads for the postapocalyptic teenager?

Writers' computer desktops.

In defense of INXS.

"That is the Greatest Secret of All: Everything is possible once you make the pages."

And finally: rarely.likable?